Embracing the transformative power of sexual desire

For centuries, discussions around female desire have been the subject of great interest and controversy. Unfortunately, society has often repressed, controlled and dismissed or pathologised women's sexual desire. In the past, female desire has been described as more complex and multi-faceted than male desire. It is influenced by a variety of factors, including physical, emotional, psychological and social, and it extends beyond mere sexual desire. In addition to physical desire, female desire also encompasses psychological and emotional connection and closeness, making it an intricate and contextual experience.

It is important to note that male desire is equally complex and multi-layered. Even though men often prioritize physical pleasure, they also crave an emotional and psychological connection with their partner. Unfortunately, many men are conditioned by societal norms and expectations that can make it difficult for them to fully express their desires and needs. Men are often expected to be in control and take charge, which can lead to feelings of pressure and anxiety. It is crucial for them to learn to surrender and let go of control. This means being open and vulnerable with their partners and allowing themselves to be fully present in the moment.

In the tantric tradition, sexual desire is seen as a powerful and transformative force that can lead to spiritual growth and self-realisation. When we embrace our sexual desire and bring conscious awareness to our experiences, we can use them as a means to connect with the divine and our highest self.

The term "feminine energy" is often used to describe certain qualities, such as being receptive, devoted, supportive and intuitive. These qualities are not limited to women and can be developed by both men and women. Seeking a deep connection with a partner who can help her access inner strength and insight, the feminine energy longs for a partner who is able to hold passion and who can also dissolve into a state of complete surrender. Such a connection creates a profound sense of intimacy and connection that can be transformative and life-changing.

In contrast, masculine energy emphasises action, direction and assertiveness and is associated with qualities such as strength, protection and clarity of purpose. It strives to create a safe vessel in which feminine energy can fully express itself, not only through physical strength, but also through mental and emotional strength, setting boundaries and taking decisive action when needed.

In the tantric tradition, both men and women have the potential to embody both the divine feminine and divine masculine energies within themselves, allowing for the development of receptive and assertive qualities regardless of gender. The balance of these energies enables a deeper connection with self, partner and the divine. Understanding sexual desire as a transformative force can lead to spiritual growth and self-realisation.

In the context of sexual desire and relationships, it is important to understand that surrender does not mean losing oneself, but rather finding oneself through the other. In a deeply open, erotic and emotional state, a deep sense of oneness can be achieved. In this state we can fully experience the power of our own desire and the richness of our own being. When we surrender to this experience, we can tap into the wisdom of the body and the power of the heart, leading to a deep sense of joy and fulfilment.

However, true essence of our being lies within ourselves. Even though we long for connection and intimacy with others, the solution is not to project that longing onto someone else. Rather, it is to achieve a sense of wholeness and balance within ourselves. When we are integrated and whole, we radiate an openness to life that can attract meaningful connections with others. However, the relationships we form are ultimately a reflection of ourselves. They can reveal areas in our lives that still need healing and growth. By acknowledging these areas, we can work towards greater self-awareness and personal growth, which in turn can lead to deeper and more fulfilling relationships with others.

It is important to acknowledge that our past experiences, especially sexual trauma, can greatly influence our desires. When we open up to another person, we can also uncover old wounds and unresolved traumas that may resurface in our lives. People who have experienced trauma in their childhood may crave a symbiotic relationship to fill the unhealed wounds, resulting in an overemphasised need for emotional and physical intimacy. It can also be challenging for people who have experienced shame or trauma in relation to their sexuality to allow desire. This may require psychological work to heal. It is important to address these issues with clarity and compassion, rather than bypassing them, in order to move towards a healthier expression of our sexuality.

When we are attracted to someone, we often idealise them or project onto them a version of ourselves that we would like to be. However, to build a truly deep and transformative relationship, we need to move beyond these initial illusions and acknowledge both the light and shadow aspects of ourselves and our partner. This requires vulnerability, honesty and a willingness to accept and work through differences. By embracing the full range of our feelings and needs, expressing them openly and honestly, and developing mutual trust and respect, we can cultivate a relationship that nurtures and supports our growth and leads to greater awareness and connection with the Divine.

Metka Kuhar