The path to change
Relationships are our mirror, which on the one hand reflects to us what would be good to be aware of and heal, and on the other hand reflects to us the space of self-understanding and affection for ourselves that we have (already) built up.
The quality of different relationships in adulthood is significantly influenced by the beliefs about ourselves and others that we have developed in our relationships with our parents or guardians. The defense mechanisms we developed in childhood can greatly affect our ability to form healthy, constructive relationships. For example, we may constantly seek acceptance and validation from relationship partners that we did not receive as children. Or we may close ourselves off from relationships, be quarrelsome or aggressive, belittle ourselves, control others, etc.
On the path to change, we first have to face our own uncomfortable feelings, such as anger, helplessness, fear, pain, which are triggered in current relationships and often have their roots in the past. Disclosing one's own vulnerability, taking responsibility for one's own reactions and behaviour as well as conscious communication pave the way to (more) quality in relationships.
»Imagine that you standing in the center of a large circle divided into three rings. The outermost ring we call the layer of protection. The second ring is the layer of our wounded vulnerability, a place where we experience fear and shame. Finally, the center is the core of our being, the seat of our essence, a space in which we are in a flow with existence. In the center, we are in a deep relaxation with life, appreciating our gifts and our uniqueness and no longer feeling the need to struggle. Our journey is not only to rediscover our essential nature, but also to develop deep compassion and understanding for our wounding and our protection as well.«
— Krishnananda Trobe, the founder of the Learning Love approach
Effects:
recognising our own communication patterns and defensive reactions and overcoming non-constructive reactions,
understanding, accepting and healing our own relational wounds,
more conscious communication, starting from our own feelings, needs and values, while being empathetic towards others,
learning to set boundaries and assertiveness,
deepening the capacity for connection and closeness.